i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Randomize
