I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
