Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Randomize
