Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Do you remember whose house we're in?
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
