I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
