My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
