Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
it's like iHOP with fire
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
