I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
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