oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Randomize