i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize
