If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
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