Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize