You're my little dorito
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
