So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Im part way to drunk.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Randomize
