She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
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