I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
