I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
