Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
