what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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