OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
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