You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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