Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Randomize
