i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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