You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Randomize
