I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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