I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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