it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
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