So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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