I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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