According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
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