I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
