The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
You know, be my cock's hype man.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
