why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
