so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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