The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
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