yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
