I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
