Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
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