when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
