On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
