Ok let me ask a question, does aderall make women less apt to have sex?
Cause it just destroys penises
Was that inappropriate? I can't gauge these things anymore
where am i from again
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
