Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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