so that wasnt chicken after all
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
