escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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