I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize