I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Randomize