Only a mothe r could love this liver
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
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