have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
I deserve this hangover.
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