my phone needs a breathalizer
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
you didnt know i had herpes?
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
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