someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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