Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
