I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Randomize
