Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
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