I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
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