omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
