We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
