I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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