WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
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