Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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