We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
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