I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
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