it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
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