he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Randomize
