There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Your penis caused this!
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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