Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Randomize
