i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Randomize
