We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
