I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Randomize
