Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
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