so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Randomize
