when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I am mentally ready for anal.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
