Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
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