I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Randomize
