im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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