So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize