In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
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