we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Randomize
